I like Christmas in Summer.

I think Christmas is winter would definitely has it’s advantages though.

Summer is the time for friends, fun and food. So us Summer-Christmas-folk are already broke, sunburnt, and stuffed from all the friends, fun and food, even before Christmas arrives.

As I sit here, I’m tired from late nights, still stuffed full from the last few days of food, and my ankles are itching like buggery because of all the mozzies, mites, and flies I’ve encountered on my Summer adventures.  Yet I am excited to be having Christmas Eve at my home here tonight.  More friends, fun and food.  And then tomorrow I get to go to my sister-in-law’s place and hang out with my wife’s extended family and do even more friends, fun and food. (I know that traditionally one is  meant to loath one’s in-law family, but I really like hanging out with these people, so an genuinely looking forward to it).

The thing is though, this is what we do in Summer anyway. I mean minus the drudgery of Christmas shopping through the insulting glare and screech that is Christmas marketing, and those one or two dreaded family members that we all have and we feel obligated to make cheerful contact with at this time (don’t worry, nobody I mean is likely to ever read this – so I don’t mean you!). That part aside, if you took Christmas out of the equation, our Summer probably wouldn’t be all that different.

However, in the middle of Winter, when we are all in desperate need for some good friends, fun and food, we are all feeling too blue to make any effort. At least if there was Christmas in Winter, we’d feel forced to do something. We’d probably hate it before hand, but then feel so glad for it afterwards – well, at least it might get us out of the house.

And then there is presents. We reach Christmas half-way through the good summer weather,  when I’m usually broke after all the fun and food I’ve already indulged in.  Also, any gift I’d like to get for Summer, I’ve already gone and got at the start of the season so I can make the best of the available good weather.

Perhaps Christmas should be in Spring, when we’ve been able to save over the Winter, we are only just starting to get into our Summer adventures, and everyone’s mood is on the turn from the Winter drudgery. And if you’ve still got Winter blues, or the Summer warmth is struggling to get started that particular year, you’ll get  a nice gift to lift your spirits.

Anyway, I don’t think I’d change anything, it’s just a thought.  I’m just procrastinating from cleaning up the house, decorating and wrapping presents for Christmas Eve tonight.  After all, it is Christmas.

Maybe I’ll go kayaking instead. After all, it is Summer.

For the record: Today I sat in the garden in a recliner chair, in the sun, by the elm tree. Here I drank beer, looked at the view, and contemplated where I was in life.

I take note of this because it was a very enjoyable experience, and I know in winter I will think of this experience and wish I was there.

So today, I thought of winter, and hoped I relished the beauty of the moment to its full worth.

Okay Media.  Enough is enough.  I really don’t care if teenage twerp Justin Beiber is in love.   STOP TELLING ME ABOUT IT.

When he’s had his heart broken and torn out, been so depressed he’s tried killing himself a few times, woken up hungover and stoned in the gutter on more than a couple of occasions, had regrettable sex with a skanky random street-walker, and then found the strength to start writing his new feeling and thoughts into songs – then I might just consider listening to what he has to say.  Until then I don’t want to hear, or hear about, anything to do with your teenage marketing money-suck.

On a related thought.  It’s is an embarrassment as to how gullible some markets are.  I mean they are using Justin Beiber as a spokes person for pimple cream.  The kid is barely into puberty! The army of zits are probably still of the Justin Beiber coast waiting for the landing orders.  Anybody with any sense would see that he lack any credibility.  And yet I bet his ads are proving highly effective as baby-teens rush for the product just because Justin said so.

Unfortunately, the media tells us about Justin Beiber being in love, advertisers uses un-credible sources to push pimple-cream, and we’ll tell our friends about a rude check-out chick for one single reason – people listen.  I guess the only think I can do is keep covering my ears and going – LA LA LADDIE LA LA LADDIE LA….

It’s been a couple of weeks since I dropped down to casual work at Kathmandu.  I’ve been able to get a fair bit of scripting work done with the extra time.  I do, however, still seem to regard myself as a casual Sales Assistant – rather than a writer.  I’m not sure why.  Perhaps it’s a fear that deep down I’m deluding myself – that somewhere deep within me is an selfish kid who is actually using all of this as just a big excuse to get out of working and bludge at home.  I really hope not, but if there is any truth to that, then I’m probably going to be the last person to recognise it.

My other thought, and I think this is more likely, is that I’m scared to cosnsider myself a writer.  It’s like every time I entertain ‘being a writer’, there is a mocking evil twin me saying: “Huh.  Yeah right. Like what have you got to show to prove that you’re not just another flake – using creativity as an pathetic excuse to explain why you’re such an un-achiever in any other aspect of life?”

My Pastor uncle once observed how many people suddenly felt they had a call to ministry when they failed to be anything else in life.  It was suggested that ministry was often a excuse of people as to why they’d not succeeded elsewhere  – rather been an genuine call.  It’s not as hard, I guess, to give everything away and follow Christ when you’ve really got nothing to start with.

It that what I’m doing?

Am I so disappointed in my life, that I’m turning to writing as a last ditch effort to find something to stake the worth of my existence on?  Or am I disappointed in life because I haven’t been following my creative desires?

I want my writing to be my reason.  Not my excuse.

I guess I want to get to the stage where my writing is being used enough so that to people start to acknowledge me as a writer – rather than me trying to insist to them that I am.  Or, on a deeper level, I guess I want to be able to feel that I approval of myself, and my decisions, before I can comfortably begin refering to myself as a writer.

Earlier this week I gave my Regional Manager my official four-week notice of intention to resign.

My letter was short, brief, and stated little more than this basic fact.

However I do wish to express to  friends and colleagues my reasons behind this move.

I wish to state for the record that my decision to stop being the Assistant Manger is in no way motivated by the team at the Launceston Store.  I have enjoyed working with the committed and friendly staff here, and it has been a pleasure to work, and grow professionally, under T’s management.

I will not deny that I am still offended and angry at how the incidents around the new year was handled by the company.  I feel that because of the incompetency of the #external security investigator# to get the facts correct I have had my reputation and standing in the company tarnished.  I feel I became the scapegoat when the company felt that someone had to be blamed.  I also feel that the warning I received was unjust; I received training in procedures when I started with the company, and had this training re-enforced when I was promoted.  I feel no responsibility for my actions if the procedural training I was officially given was wrong.

It has become clear that my career in the company has now been stigmatised, and I believe any progress in the company that I might have pursued would now be  hampered.  I find this upsetting because my three years of demonstrated hard committed work and notable results seem to mean nothing.

This however is not my reasons for leaving, but rather the catalyst for the decision.

Three years ago I took a part-time position at the store.  At the time I was using my spare time to working on creative writing and video production projects.  When I was promoted to full-time management I endeavoured to continue my creative work, but soon found that the extended hours and commitment to get results significantly monopolised my time.  Ultimately my life became about working towards achieving store performance.

I realise now that if I don’t make a move to change my life, I am in danger of continuing on down a career I don’t want to follow.  I believe I could actually do well in a retail career, but ultimately I would rather fail at something I desire to do, than succeed at something I don’t.

Therefore, I am leaving my full-time Assistant Manager position not because I have a new job offer, or because of my feelings about how the company has treated me, but because I’m going to endeavour to try and live my dream.

This is very scary, and financially risky, but also very trilling and exciting.

Therefore I wish all the best to T and all the guys I have had the pleasure of working with (both current and past),  I hope the company treats you with the respect and dignity you deserve, and that you all find success in whatever you put your hand and mind too.

Allen Palmer recommends starting a screenwriting project with forging a 27 word concept of your idea.  This works as your goto line for ‘what is your film about?’ and helps concrete in your own mind what your story is.

I worked on one for Key Story and this is what I came up with:

When a shy, love-struck bogan lies about being an author in an attempt to impress an assertive pastor’s daughter, he must transform his slovenly life when she unexpectedly believes him.

I emailed it to Allen to ask his thoughts and this was his response:

You have chalk and cheese. That’s good.

The core of your idea is a guy pretending to be an author. What sort of author? I can see this producing a couple of funny scenes. I’m just concerned about whether you can sustain the interest in the back end of Act 2. Does she invite him to speak at some event where his lack of authorial knowledge is certain to be unmasked?

It’s not bad at all. It all depends on characterisation. And your ability to escalate the drama/comedy across Act 2. Look at Tootsie for inspiration. Look at how the subplots make his life difficult as he tries to maintain the deception.

All the best with it.

I’m feeling very enthused my his response.  I believe I have established a firm story base in the areas he raised concerns, and believe I have a strong second act.

Given this, I am now keen to move on with the project.  I have already been hammering out my characters and scenes, and am eager to attempt a new full draft.

All I need now is time to do so.

Mum: “Don’t drop that?”

Child: “Why?”

Mum: “Nevermind Why, Just don’t drop it?”

Child: “But why?”

Mum: “Because I said so.”

(pause)

Child: “Why can’t I drop it?”

Mum: “Oh for God’s sake, just hold on to it and don’t let go.”

(pause)

(another pause)

THUMP!

Mum: “Why did you drop it?!”

… no answer.

Mum: “Why did you drop it after I especially said not to?”

… no anwer.

….

Child: “WHAAAAAAAA!”

Moral of the day: Curiosity might have killed the cat, but probably will also get the child a whack.
… or perhaps: If you’d just told the child the answer in the first place, he’d have not been tempted to find out the result for himself.

Some time ago I went to Sydney to attend an Introduction to Screenwriting course with Allen Palmer in Sydney.

The course was great.  I’d not just recommend it to emerging screenwriters, but say it’s an essential starting point.  It has transformed the way I’m now approaching my writing and makes the whole process a lot more manageable because the things I kinda vaguely knew have now been clearly identified and made concrete.

Since coming back, I’ve completely pulled apart my current screenwriting project, Key Story, and remoulded the whole thing.  Starting from scratch I’ve identified a clear story arc,  sorted it into a more workable progression, re-written a treatment, and am very happy with the results.

(sequence cards – putting story in order and identifying weak areas)

When a good friend and colleague thinks that you are guilty, even proving yourself innocent won’t undo that damage that has been done.

Despite being innocent, and nothing but circumstantial evidence to the contrary, when the people in power still believe you’re guilty – and that you got away with it – you know you’re a sitting duck for blame for every other little thing that is yet to come.

What can one conclude, when other potential suspects are considered cleared due to their personal character, but obviously people consider my own personal character corrupt? When these are people you need to trust, and need them to trust you, can there be any resolution?  I’ve worked with these people for two/three years and believe I have proven myself to be upright and honest – ready to admit my errors and fumbles when they occur – but all that counts for nothing when a scapegoat is wanted.

This is my dilemma,  I feel sick in my guts and heavy in the heart, and yet there is nothing I can do.

The anxiety caused by accusations and possible punishment when one is innocent far exceeds the anxiety caused by accusations and possible punishment when one is guilty.